i've lost it

i have seriously lost it.
i don't even know where to begin.
so, here's some evidence...

for one of the recipe's i'm making this weekend, i need cocoa. a couple days ago, i went and peeked in my "baking cabinet" for the cocoa. couldn't find it. then, yesterday, when i was seriously making my grocery list, i REALLY looked in the cabinet...like, brought a chair over and climbed up on the counter and looked back in all the corners of all the shelves just to make sure it wasn't hiding. nope. not there. i guess i used it or threw it away?

went grocery shopping today.
bought cocoa.
went to put it in the cabinet...right above...THE COCOA! ugh.

{the yellow box on the top shelf is the new one...the brown "Hershey's Cocoa" is the one that was sitting there ALL ALONG!} do you see it??

and that is what my whole afternoon/evening felt like.

one thing after another.

i was just sitting trying to explain it to pat through half-sentences and words mish-moshed together and he was trying to make me laugh {which i NEEDED} and we were both laughing and it felt good and then he said something else that he thought would also make me laugh and i burst into tears! like, full on sobbing. i put my head in my hands to try to hide it. he thought i was still laughing. but, when i brought my face up, i couldn't hide it. i wanted to laugh hysterically at HIS face when he saw mine...but i couldn't. i was still crying too hard :-) we are a mess over here.

i can't do this.
there is too much going on between school/homework/projects plus all the christmas stuff that is ramping up plus with pat working late the whole month.
i can NOT hold it together well at all.
i literally don't think i spoke to joshua all afternoon. i HATE that. he didn't NEED me, so he didn't get me.
awesome mom, right here. ugh.

the next 2 days i am not going to do any "extra" stuff that i'm not already committted to.
i will use the limited {i have a hard time realizing that it is limited...but it's VERY obvious about 6:14 pm every evening!} energy/patience i have on my husband and children.

and, just to end on a sweet note...i can NOT get enough of kissing sawyer's neck. it is the CUTEST part of him right now!

AND his outfit today was so adorable...that sweater and those jeans. he looked so BIG! i never got a good pic of his face in it. his eyes were gorgeous with that sweater. HE is gorgeous.

{he LOVES books. all afternoon he kept bringing me books saying, "read dis?" mostly i had to say, "soon" because i was helping rebekah with her homework. i did read a couple to him...but not as many as i wanted! sorry...i was TRYING to end on a sweet note.}

good night.