this is IT!

i know i've been kind of a bad blogger lately. i have SO many posts in my head.
some big.
some fun.
but you're going to have to wait a little bit longer.

this is IT, you guys.
this is why my heart is always searching.
this is why i'm overcome with the darkness.
this is the TRUTH that He's so gently {and sometimes not gently} trying to get through my thick head.
as i was swimming this morning, i could tell my thoughts were on the verge of something "clicking".
all these last few weeks {months really} of turmoil and tears and confusion.
of talking til i have nothing else to say.
of sitting silently because there are no words.
THIS IS IT.

i need to learn to rest in His will.
this past spring, i remember Him teaching me how to REST {remember my hip breaking??}
and i did. but now He is taking it up a notch {love that! can you hear the sarcasm??}
now i need to learn to rest in His will.
and, until i do, NONE of the "things" i'm trying to figure out are going to make sense or fulfill my yearning heart.
it can only be filled by HIM. EACH moment. EVEN when i'm confused and hurt and MAD.
i need to REST in Him in THOSE moments.

i am working on how to do that.
but at least i know what to work on now.
i will be printing this out. and reading it over and over and over.

oh, the first time i read it, it was like a soothing medicine on a burning heart.

enjoy...

A Prayer About Resting in the Will of God

In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps. Proverbs 16:9

     Sovereign Father, this promise brings me immeasurable peace, humility, and joy. You’re vitally engaged in determining and directing every one of our steps. You’re working all things together after the counsel of your will. You’re working in all things for your glory and for our good. You open doors no man can shut and you shut doors no man can open. Indeed, you’re no mere life coach, you’re the Lord of all things… including me.
     Many years I labored under the arrogance and anxiety of assuming that if I prayed hard enough and long enough… that if I was really filled with and “tuned” into the Holy Spirit, I could know the specifics of your will for my life… well in advance of any decision that needed to be made. Of course, my assumption was that if I was in your will, life would be enjoyable, pleasant and hassle-free.
     If I bought the right car, it would never break down…If I bought the right house, the roof would never leak… If I married the right person, we would never disagree… If I went to the right college I’d get the right job and life would be all-right... If I sent my kids to the right school, they would never act out and would end up on the mission field. If all of this was true, I wouldn’t really need you.
     Father, you’re certainly honored when we work hard to make good plans, in keeping with our understanding of the Scriptures. It’s important for us to seek and heed, wise prayerful counsel of good and godly friends. But help us to live with more confidence that Jesus is the Good Shepherd, not a consulting partner… a very present Lord, not an absentee landlord… the reigning King, not an impotent bystander. Because of Jesus, I’m confident your will is being done… on earth as it is in heaven.
     Free us to accept that many times your will leads to great suffering and pain. It’s called the cross. But the cross and resurrection go together. Hallelujah! What a most glorious and gracious Father you are. So very Amen, we pray, in Jesus’ exalted and very present name.

prayer taken from here.