Friday, October 29, 2010

updates on life

this will be all over the place. i apologize in advance. but it's life these days...
i need to update on so much...and i have some cute pictures to keep you interested :-)

sawyer and potty training:
it's done. he's potty trained! pee and poop. i know. i can't believe it either. it just "clicked" last sunday. it took almost 2 weeks. 2 miserable weeks. in hindsight, i did it too early. it would have been WAY easier if i had waiting a couple more months. but, it's done. and he does wear pants now. but i just LOVE his little bottom in he looks like this quite often :-)
she is the happiest, most joyful person i've ever met. and i'm so thankful that i get to be her mom. she's also VERY tired and has a really hard time in the afternoons. but the mornings together are the highlight of my day.

it's full of fun around here. halloween, that is. the kids dress up. they are ALL having fun parties at school today that they get to put their costumes on for {rebekah: "bed head" - i have no idea...her and a friend came up with it...but it involved NO costume, so i was all for it!; joshua and sawyer: firemen; bailey: today - bride, tomorrow for the church trunk or treat it will be something different i'm sure and then another one on sunday...she just picks out of the dress up box}. trick or treating in our neighborhood is so super fun. like a big party! i hope i bought enough candy. i buy more every year and we ALWAYS run out and start giving the kids' candy away that they just brought home! we love it. and i can't wait to eat their candy! :-)
my heart:
it's a mess. no surprise there. i am really struggling. i've cried...SOBBED-cried every day this week. i've been in constant prayer and reflection. but it won't go away. it's deep and dark and heavy and not specific and impossible to try to explain.  but i think/hope/pray i turned the corner. this morning when i woke up, my heart felt a little "light" and there was a hint of joy that i didn't have to fake. God has been talking to me. but lots of other things have been, too. so i'm still trying to wade through it all and hear the TRUTH. i really think telling myself, "God loves me." over and over for 24 hours helped. amazing {why do i think it's amazing? duh! but, still, it is!} i will share more when i can articulate it better...but thank you for your prayers...keep 'em coming...and if you have any "TRUTH" to share...i'm all ears!
he is the most amazing husband ever.
and loves me SO perfectly.
our afternoons:
they are getting better. the homework stuff is going smoother. the chores are getting done without reminders. but they are still my least favorite part of the day.
our adoption:
the short update: nothing new. the wait is longer than ever. a year at the least? 3 years possibly?? we just don't know.

during this process, i have never seen God work more clearly in my life.
yet i have also never been so SAD and HURTING and IMPATIENT in my life.
i remember the "stress" of the paperwork part of this and thinking, "if we can just get to the 'waiting', then i'll just enjoy life and wait patiently until it's His timing for our boys to come home." ha!
the paperwork part was a BREEZE compared to this...
i have felt such an urgency the last couple weeks...yet no movement...but i wonder, one day, when we know "their" story - will this time in October 2010 be a pivotal part?? we'll see...
it doesn't help that the process has changed umpteen times since we started the Rwanda program.
but it DOES help that we KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is with us and with those boys and we {well, i will...pat will endure my crying :-)} will press on until His will is done.
i also know now that Satan is against us. he is fighting tooth and nail to discourage make me turn me from the One that can comfort and strengthen and love me. he has won battle after battle. but he will NOT win in the end and i am certain of that.
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." 
Joshua 1:9

and i'm out of pictures.
so, that's the end of the update.
i feel like there's more but i need to run...


Vicki said...

Have you ever read the book "Hinds Feet on High Places"? I think it might really speak to you. I know it's hard to find a spare minute to think, let alone read, but this one is a powerful book, so give it a try.

Mandy said...

i've been sobbing this week too. thinking of you friend.

Vanderpool days said...

Waiting is so hard, I hear you loud a clear, and we have only just begun to wait (#126) prayer alone gets us through. I find myself asking God "why" all of the time. Why must we wait, when there are so many suffering children, also waiting, and we WANT to, are READY to bring them home?

Tammy said...

you NEED to read the book Calm My Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow. Julie recommended that book to me and I LOVE IT! I read it every time I need God to speak to me LOUD and CLEAR! Also, waiting is always the hardest part for me too. something about it being out my control. i have huge control issues...God is working hugely in my heart these days too. Many tears. Love you and praying for you. Miss you my friend