Thursday, September 30, 2010

adoption is not cute...but he is

this is going to be a long post.
i'm going to give the update on our adoption process.
and how i feel about it.
and there will be some cute pictures...of a certain little 2 yr old :-)
just to keep you smiling!

the monday before we left for the beach {where we got evacuated from the hurricane} we heard that Rwanda was closing it's doors to international adoption.


what?!? at that point we hadn't heard anything from our it was hard news to hear but we were waiting for "official" news to truly react.

the next day {that was a LONG 24 hours} we heard from our agency that Rwanda WAS closing to international adoption. but everyone that had their paperwork in by Aug 31 "would still be processed as usual." so, that meant we were ok. our paperwork had been there for 3 months by then...

and they are closing so that they can become a part of the Hague Convention. which basically means they will put more regulations/standards in place that will better for the orphans and adoptive parents in the long run. it's good. it's just hard to be in the middle of it.

AND there were so many people that didn't have their paperwork done...they were still putting it all together...and it was VERY hard for them to process what this meant for their journeys.

adoption is not cute, ya'll.
it's a lot of things.
but cute is not one of them.

{but he IS cute! we actually sat on the couch today to read our books before naptime. and i used my fancy little remote to take our picture :-)}
no, adoption isn't cute.
but it's a LOT of other's God's's encouragement from friends and family coming in the mail and in shop orders and in's bailey asking the "dark-skinned man" that was checking us out at Sam's if he was from Africa? and then telling him she's going there (!) to get her 2 brothers. "and they are dark-skinned, too!"

but it hasn't been easy.
it's been scary and hard and long.

i have moments where i question how i will mother 2 more.
when i sometimes feel like i do an awful job mothering the 4 i already have.
i have moments where i'm sick of waiting and telling myself the "right things" "it's His timing" and all that...

but none of those moments lasts long.
they really don't.
He's so quick to bring me back to His heart and His lap.
to hold me and gently remind me that it's not ME and MY PLAN.
that this is all about Him.
it always has been and it always will be.

{after i took that first picture, he looked up and said, "ooooo, pic-ur!" and i took another one! :-)}
so...our paperwork is going to be processed "as usual."
what in the world does THAT mean??
that's the million dollar question!
at this point the "wait" is 13 months from when you get your paperwork in.
but each month that goes by with no paperwork being processed makes that wait time longer.

after months of complete silence...
there has been some rumblings coming from Rwanda.
they have begun giving us numbers...we are #71 in line (which means there are 70 families in front of us waiting for their children).
they haven't finished numbering everyone...we are estimating there are about 100 families total.
but those numbers don't really mean much either.
especially when you consider that about 14 families a year have adopted from Rwanda for the last few years {those are NOT exact statistics...just an estimate from what i remember of what i've read...the point is that there have NOT been anywhere close to 100 adoptions!}
does that mean we have to wait 5 years or something??
we don't know...we sure hope not!
our selfish prayer is that they would crank through all those dossiers piled up over there so that they can move onto getting Hague approved.

once the next set of approvals/referrals comes through it might give us some info...but maybe not.

see?? NOT cute! :-)

{then he reached up and put his sweet little hand around my neck and said, "'gain! pic-ur!" how could i resist?!? :-)}

a fellow "waiting mom" wrote this the other day...and it hit home.
so much truth in there...and it will help you understand the crazy emotions that i swing through practically every day. day...there will be 2 less orphans in the world because of all of this.

"One Less"...the story behind the love how he says, "it's a hug and a punch"

One Less by Matthew West (The Story Behind The Song) from emicmg on Vimeo.

i know that most of the time the process is more important than the end result.
i know that God is teaching us and growing us and challenging us {and you, too!} through this whole process.
i'm thankful for that...i am.
i am a different person than i was before...and that's a good thing.
BUT...the end result is going to be so, so sweet.
i really don't let myself go there very often {hardly ever} but right now, letting my heart go there...makes me want to SCREAM and CRY and LAUGH and JUMP UP AND DOWN!

oh, how i yearn for that day...

the journey won't be over.
it will actually have just begun.
but God will be with us.
and our 2 boys will be with us.
and it will probably even be cute :-)

{and one last one...i love how he points at EVERYTHING these days...and he just wants me to say what it is and then he repeats it...he is talking so much. and he's SO cute!}


Colette said...

Oh, Courtney...let it not be 5 years...

praying for y'all!

Carrie said...

Love the pic of Sawyer hugging your neck!

Hang in there. You're doing great! I will be praying....

Alden and Dorian said...

Thanks for this revealing post Courtney. It did bring clarity to the place where you are right now. I so appreciate where YOU are (your heart being so pulled)in this process AND the firm foundation that it IS God's timing and work. AND.....I love the place where you and Sawyer are right now.....simply falling in love all over with each other. You mom sends a BIG hug to precious daughter. I love you and thank God HE is holding you.

Holly said...

no words,
but I'm just here,
processing with you,
and praying.