wound UP!

i know i just posted about being calm and being able to breathe and blah, blah, blah the other day...

but i have been WOUND UP these last 2 days.
and it's not good.
the second pat got home tonight, bailey said, "mom is mad and frusterated."

pretty much sums it up.

i'm TRYING.
these days a just so so long.
and there are so many of them.
and they need so much.
and i want to give them so much.
and so many other people need so much.
and i want to give them so much.

and it just leaves me tired.

which isn't the way it's supposed to be.
i know it isn't.
not when i'm relying on His strength.

so...once again...in mere moments i've lost touch with Him.
but He's still there.
and i will run to Him.

just being honest, here.

and, as i sat down and uploaded my pictures from the day
(and remembered what all happened!)
it kinda made me feel a little better for being SO tired
because it was a heck of a day!

got up at 5:15 and swam.
then ran at 6:15.

then did breakfast and went for a walk with the kids...not for exercise just for fun :-)
joshua drove his remote control jeep...i was surprised how far it made it!
as if we don't have enough kids, rebekah brought another baby in a carrier :-)

rebekah BEGGED to bring her wallet and buy everyone something at the gas station on our walk.
i let her.
i said, "yes."
they were definitely consuming these items at 8:30 am.
pure sugar.

then i did those lemon facials with the girls.
bailey was a little weirded out by it.

after my morning, my face LOVED it!

rebekah thought it was so fun :-)
{i know. you don't need to tell me. she's growing up. i can't stand it.}

we spent the rest of the morning visiting pat's parents.
then a quick trip to target on the way home to get part of a project we are working on for rebekah's birthday party on friday.

i spent rest time on the phone with computer people (argh)

then we did school...this has actually been a very consistent and enjoyable and beneficial part of our summer. everyday (almost) from 3-4 pm we have done school. rebekah NEEDS it, joshua loves it, and bailey just thinks it's a fun game :-)

i have to say that i've been pleasantly surprised by it.
and have a new appreciation for you homeschooling moms.
this was only 1 hour...i can't even imagine...

after school, i walked the kids around the house...room by room...and showed them WHAT they needed to clean up. things get mostly cleaned up, but never all.the.way. had a little lesson on that. :-) maybe could have used a little gentler presentation...but i had had it with the mess!

they practiced their piano and then we played outside for a little bit before coming in for dinner.

once pat got home, i dug REALLY REALLY deep and went for a little walk with just rebekah. really i just wanted to curl up in a ball on the couch and close my eyes. it's hard for me to get one on one time with any of the kids...and especially her and joshua...so i'm trying. it's never easy and i have to fight for it (and sometimes choose the "easier" route and just sit on the couch and let pat put them all to bed) but tonight i fought hard and did it. she talked my EAR off and i could see her little heart swelling. it was good.

and now i can barely keep my eyes open.
i hope i'm mostly wound up because of this triathlon.
did i tell you i slept for like 2 minutes last night just thinking about it?
i'm 50% excited and 50% nervous.
ok...95% nervous.
mostly i just need it OVER! :-)

my sister is coming over soon to spend the night and the day with us tomorrow.
she's good for me.
maybe she can calm me down.

pretty sure i've stopped making sense.
good night!