hard

this week has been really hard.
in many ways.
in addition to my older 2 starting school, and bailey adjusting to that, and sawyer basically crying all day, i have LOTS going on in my heart...

every morning, at 5:15 am, my prayer is,
"i'm SORRY my heart is so loud already, Lord. help me to be still and quiet before You. to listen to You. to dwell in You."

the loudness feels uncontrollable this week.
i'm not sure why.
i'll have fleeting moments of peace.
then "it" rushes back.

pat's been working late.
he's recovering from being gone all last week.
we end our days exhausted.
nothing left for each other.
but lots to discuss and work through.
it's hard.
but good.
i know these times make us stronger.
but it feels like we're swimming upstream.

last night, after dinner, i couldn't stand the thought of another hour of sawyer screaming.
so, after i cleaned up the dishes i said,
"everyone get your shoes on and go outside! we're going for a walk! no one is riding their bikes or scooters! everyone is WALKING!"
{i don't know why. it's just what i decided in the moment.}

i knew sawyer wouldn't fuss in the stroller...as long as we kept moving...

rebekah and joshua wanted to walk behind me "alone" {that was their term}.
they liked the taste of "freedom." :-)

umm...i guess there's no real point to this post.

except to share where i am.
{and post fun pictures of my kids!}