i feel like i've been living in a fog.
and it continues.
this is how rebekah entertained sawyer yesterday.
he was strapped in :-)
{it's a stroller meant for a doll}
bailey telling rebekah how they are going to race their strollers.
it is my mom's spring break this week also.
my dad took a few days off and they are doing some painting around their house.
but they took a few hours off yesterday and came and took us to mcdonald's for lunch.
it was a nice little break for me.
bailey was ready for her nap...
i took some drugs last night to help me sleep.
i at least slept some.
but i really don't feel any better.
maybe even worse, as a result of 4/5 days of feeling like this, not eating much, etc.
but pat has off today.
it's the only day the weather is supposed to be nice this week.
and we were planning on going to the national zoo.
so, i'm off to pack our lunches and we're going to attempt it.
i'm angry {i get this way when i'm sick}
i'm not very good at being sick.
i like to GO and DO...not sit and be.
and, really, it's all my expectations.
i had high ones for this week:
*have lots of FUN since it's spring break
*get some projects done since i wouldn't have the school stuff to worry about
*run some longer distances on the days pat was taking off {i haven't been able to run since monday and it's KILLING me}
and none of those things has happened.
i feel bad. and mad. and guilty for not being the mom i want to be.
and then i feel guilty for having these feelings when we are blessed with so much.
that was an uplifting post, huh?
7 comments:
courtney cassada,it takes you longer to get better because you won't sit! how is your body supposed to heal when you are running around like crazy?! you need to relax for a day and recover, it will be hard but worth it. I guess a silver lining would be that since rebecca is home and entertaining sawyer, that makes it a bit easier for you since you are sick. I love you, wish we lived close enough that I could take them. I am not sure the zoo is a good idea for you but I am dying to go to the zoo myself so I certainly understand your wanting to go. feel better!
i get it courtney.
remember our "spring break" florida trip?
i'm sorry. it' not fun.
and yes, the guilt.
ridiculous!
hope you turn the corner today and start mending!
This may be God's way of saying, SLOW DOWN!
okay, courtney, you can feel all of those things except for one. the glaring one. the one that is full of nothing but inaccuracies.
You know which one I'm talking about?
You are an amazing mom. You do more on "normal" weeks than many do on Spring Break. That's not to say other moms aren't good- but Courtney, you are very fun and creative and hard working and wonderful.
You do not have permission to believe any lies that fall in line with that junk. Got it? You. are. Fantastic.
Now. Enjoy your hubby being home. Relax a little. And stop believing that crap. There's this thing I say to my husband when he's feeling this way...well, it's profane. Maybe I'll email it to you. :) It's my favorite profane thing to say :)
I agree with everything every one else just said... you are an amazing mommy and you do need to heal. I understand though and I will be praying for you! I know it stinks! Hugs friend!!!!
i can't believe you're going to walk around the zoo all afternoon after feeling how you've been feeling! but i know that nothing i say will change your mind - so i hope the fresh air does you some good! :)
here's what i say.
you can feel bad - cause you're sick.
you can feel mad - cause it's frustrating when expectations and desires crash and burn
but the guilty? that's the one you've got to let go of. (and i'm preaching to myself here too) cause there's no need for it. That's the one that will waste all the precious energy that you'll need to get better.
so take a deep breath. and just let that go. Be gentle with yourself.
Let. It. Go.
And breathe again.
And besides, I bet Rebekah is having a ball playing Mom. Let her pick up the slack, and she'll remember it as an awesome spring break. I bet you anything.
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