Friday, February 6, 2009

this could go either way

this post really could go either way.
we'll see.

i'm so tired.
physically and emotionally.
my legs are sore from some crazy drills i did in the pool yesterday (thanks, Christy!)
and i mean, "i can hardly stand up from sitting" sore.
my heart is tired from hurting and FEELING for others.
on one hand, i wish i could make it stop.
but on the other, i know it's what makes me human.
and the earliest pat got home this week was 10:30 pm.
he's got a LOT going on at work (obviously) and my heart aches for his stress level and the fact that i can't do anything to help him!
i love these kids and this house, but i'm spent from doing it by myself around the clock.
and trying to still do it well.
trying to kiss them and love them into bed when i just want to collapse, instead of throwing them in bed and not looking back. if you're a mom of little kids, you know what i mean.

joshua's 5th birthday is tomorrow.
he is such a sweet, laid-back kid that really doesn't REQUIRE the attention, etc that the girls do.
so, i'm looking forward to LOVING on him a lot tomorrow!!!
that means lots of preparing, grocery shopping, baking today.
but i'm tired and it's hard to even figure out what to wear to the grocery store.

ok. i guess this post went towards the negative.
sorry.

i'll leave you with this picture.
of bailey doing shaving cream yesterday.
this is one of her looks that she does often. but it's hard to capture on the camera, because she's so quick to smile. (not a bad problem, i know.)
i love that little furrowed brow :-)
if i could only hear what's going on in that little brain.
(on second thought, i've heard a LOT of what comes out of her mouth so maybe i'm fine not hearing it ALL)
happy Friday!

7 comments:

Beckysblog said...

I know how you are feeling. If that helps...

Courtney said...

it DOES help, becky. more than you know.

veronica said...

I definitely know the feeling! I remember when Andy would travel 3 out of the 4 weeks when Meghan and Tim were little. Some nights I just sat and cried because I wanted to disappear. I hope this passes for you soon. Look forward to a beautiful day tomorrow and Sunday! Hopefully you can take a little time for yourself. Say Happy Birthday to Joshua for us since we are leaving today to go skiing!

beckley said...

okay, just now reading this. oh, courtney. my sympathies.
that. is. a. very. tough. week. period.
grace and peace to you.

and i can relate to everything you're carrying and wanting to provide a most loving and thoughtful birthday for a child at the end of a most exhausting week. And you don't know if you can dig any deeper. And you feel empty. But you don't want to. It's the last thing you want. and you're trying. but it's. just. so. hard.
grace and peace to you.

And when the child is the laid back child, yeah, it makes it's difficult in a weird way.
Grace and peace to you.

And he will know how much you love him. He will. Such a sweet spirit in that child. I can't wait to meet him someday. (Your kids are so unique and loving and I can't wait to meet them someday. Funny how I haven't met most of my friends' kids from college now that I think about it...)

So, grace and peace to you. Hard day. Hard week. Much love.
r

Holly said...

relate relate relate relate....totally relate.

I always say that motherhood was never meant to be a one gal job.
Maybe for Eve - but she's the only exception.
Most cultures all live together and everyone raises the children.
Not us American's ;-)
WE are independant ;-)
I have often thought of moving to another country just for that reason....

ok, kidding, and that was random but see, I do relate - when you're that spent you dream of weird stuff like that!

(any girlfriends out there who are near to her - GIVE HER A BREAK (make her dinner, clean a bathroom, write a note OR watch the kids for 2 hours)- it will make a world of difference.) advice from a worn out military wife of four - )

Christy said...

ohhhh courtney....yes, understand...and i only have one...and so far he's pretty immobile and only babbles...brian's been home so late lately and it makes ALL the diff...LOVE you!!!!

oh, and i'm glad you got the drills!!! hope you saw my note!! :) and i'm sore too!!! :)

Katy said...

totally been there. i hate it for you AND Pat that his hours have been so long lately. hopefully the weekend has helped. ugh. it's hard enough, right? bailey - what a face.