i've been feeling very out of control lately.
in lots of areas.
convicted about being more disciplined to run than to spend time in the Bible.
eating because of emotions and not because i'm hungry.
loving my kids...but having nothing left to love pat when he gets home.
i've been realizing these things...yet as i was realizing them they were making me feel totally overwhelmed.
i GO from 5:30 am til 11 pm...how can i do more??
but that's not a good excuse.
this is my life.
God has blessed me with SO much and i desire to do it all WELL.
so i will strive to do that.
and not settle for "how can i do more?"
we're are reading The Pursuit of Holiness in our Shepherd Group.
awesome book.
here are a few quotes:
"God in His infinite wisdom has seen fit to allow this daily battle with indwelling sin."
"Holiness is not a series of do's and don'ts, but conformity to the character of God and obedience to the will of God."
"It is so easy to ask God to do something more because that postpones facing up to our own responsibility."
"God's Word must be so strongly fixed in our minds that it becomes the dominant influence in our thoughts, our attitudes, and our actions."
good stuff, huh?
i have a desire to spend an hour reading my Bible.
to memorize verses.
to not over-eat.
to eat healthy - to care for my body.
to use my time wisely (the computer sucks me in too much...)
to serve and love Pat.
to be patient and loving to my children.
but each of the things on that list seem SO overwhelming that i just didn't do anything for awhile.
that's not getting me anywhere...
so i decided to take baby steps.
last week, i woke up 5 minutes earlier.
so that i could spend time in the Bible and praying.
it used to be that once i got dressed to run i would have 5 or maybe 10 minutes to pray and read the Bible...except i would often check email "real quick" and have no time to pray.
now, with my 5 extra minutes {combined with NO computer allowed before my run} i have at least 10 minutes, sometimes 15 minutes to read and pray. not as much time as i would like to spend in the Word...but baby steps...and i was blessed greatly by it.
i need to drink less Diet Coke and more water.
so, i cut back to 1 diet coke a day. the rest water.
baby steps.
i am eating oatmeal for breakfast instead of a grapefruit {sometimes with a grapefruit}.
the grapefruit was not lasting and then i was snacking 1 hour later.
baby steps.
i am being more intentional with the computer (email/blogs).
i check email right before i get the kids up in the morning (mostly to make sure nothing needs addressing or has changed with our day).
i check email and blogs quickly later in the morning - after chores and school and shower.
i blog and check as many blogs as i can during naptime.
and some nights i am on the computer.
this is challenging for me.
so much of my life is done on the computer...like our washing machine is broken, i need to look up the phone number for the service people, but i check email real quick, and then someone's blog, and on and on...i just needed to get the phone number!
i was intentional this week in what i bought for Pat's lunches.
i make his lunches.
but don't really plan anything special.
but he works SO hard.
sometimes the only things he sees of me during the day is the lunch i made him.
so i want to bless him with it.
i bought a loaf of bread for him (the $1.99 one instead of the $.89 one that i got for the kids lunches)
i got the chips he likes.
this is not in a "donna reed" sort of way. i'm not proving anything. and he doesn't expect this of me.
but it's a way i can love him.
baby steps.
none of those things were easy.
they took time and planning.
but they weren't impossible either.
and now they are becoming new habits.
healthier habits.
this week, my new baby step is to eat healthy snacks in the afternoon.
this is going to be a huge challenge for me.
but i really need to eat healthier in between meals.
none of this is coming out of a "legalistic" attitude.
but out of a desire to do God's will for my life.
i will know Him more if i struggle to do these things that i don't want to do.
because i will have to rely on His strength to do them.
there will be different things for you...
just take baby steps!
9 comments:
well now, that was inspiring and I'm gonna go make me my own non-legalistic, anti-Donna Reed (who's that? ;-) list...
Such good thoughts Courtney, thanks for sharing. And please share your healthy snack ideas....I need to take some major baby steps there too! Some things I've enjoyed lately are: caramel rice cakes (better than they sound), hot chocolate or fat free chocolate pudding (satisfies the chocolate crave) and animal crackers (a throw back to our Barnhouse days!).
thanks for the encouragment! i needed to hear this today!
thanks for sharing courtney... and I love this quote:
"God's Word must be so strongly fixed in our minds that it becomes the dominant influence in our thoughts, our attitudes, and our actions."
and I love your baby steps. I am going to think on ways I can do this too. Thanks!
Thanks for sharing, you always inspire me, and I feel the same way about the computer and I know somedays why I spend so much time on it, is because it is my only link to the outside world. Since I am constantly caught up in wifedome, mommyhood and the domestics, it because easy to lose touch with the outside world. Although you would think I would spend time reading the news or something, but instead I flash through the news and read some blogs so I can catch up with some dear friends. Thanks for sharing.
Can totally relate to the need to do this.....thanks for sharing!
Oh Courtney, you are on the right track. Just don't beat yourself up when "Satan" throws you a bone. Ask the Lord to help you to be keenly aware of the snares and that the Lord would help you to side step them with His grace. I'm praying for you and trusting you are going to be Victorious in this. May all these changes bring glory to God. When you pack your "honey's" lunch write him a little note on the corner of his napkin. Remind him of how much you love him. It will do wonders for both of you.
Whenever I am feeling like that I know that it always helps to go to Him and be in His word more.
He brings on that feeling of being overwhelmed to guide us right back to Him.
Unfortunetly for me, I always wait till I'm at the breaking point before I realize what should be so very simple.
you are MUCH to hard on yourself. you are a human being afterall. an inspiration to many, some of who you don't know. adorable and happy looking kids. the side ponytail is hilarious. they are all the rage in middle school these days. anyway, baby steps yes. fall down, dust yourself off, and keep going (with angels on your shoulders of course).
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