i was in quite the mood yesterday.
it took me by surprise.
but i think it might have quietly snuck up on me from multiple fronts...
i was faced with other people's issues a number of times last week.
and i was faced with being disappointed in the actions of people (or lack of action...)
it was hard. it had nothing to do with me, really, other than the fact that i love them. but it was still hard.
and i can't do anything about it. THEY can hardly do anything about it.
sometimes it's the result of long-term habits.
sometimes it's just life.
i can't fix it. i don't even think i'm supposed to if i could.
it's THEIR journey.
but i let it into my heart. and i feel their pain, and disappointment and hurt and it affects ME.
a lot.
i mean, i know it's ok that it affects me some.
or else i wouldn't be human, right?
but it really gets to me.
do i feel too much?
how do i not feel so much?
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on a totally different note:
school this morning was joshua doing my "deck of card" exercise routine with me.
he did the WHOLE thing!
(counting counts as school, right?)
after a couple errands, we ate lunch with rebekah.
they were having pumpkin pie and she was VERY excited (i hate pumpkin pie.)
like my shirt?? i made my own "clean water" shirt! :-)
8 comments:
Courtney, I can totally relate to you. I do that too especially when it is involves people close to me. I talk to Zach about it and he helps me a lot (he is less emotional and sees things easier than me), and it sounds like Pat does the same for you... maybe you need some alone Pat time :) That is always good isn't it?
And I LOVE your shirt... why aren't you selling those for adults? I bet people would buy them!!!! They are awesome... I need you to teach me how to sew!!!
You definitely need to sell those shirts for adults! I want one!! :)
hmmmmm...good questions...I feel like yes, yes---yes you CAN feel "too much" or I guess take on someone else's "stuff" a little too much onto your own shoulders...but also, yes its good to "feel" for those you love---I guess that's one of the hardest things about being in real relationships because their hurts ARE our hurts, etc etc...but it sounds a little more like this one may be something you do need to take off your shoulders a little...?? Still LOVE them...but you can't carry their choices, you know? and the outcomes of those choices. You can sympathize/empathize but at the end of the day sometimes its that hurt THEY feel that helps them move to making the right choices...does that make any sense?? maybe not :)anyways love you...
I find that a couple of glasses of wine really help with that whole feeling thing: )KIDDING!
It's tough...knowing when to say when with other people's stuff....having compassion and realizing when we can influence another for good and when to just let them be as they walk on their own journey....pray pray pray sister!! Pray for guidance about what/how God would have you to feel about the situation. Every circumstance/relationship is unique and your interaction and role will vary depending on so many things. Only God knows what it is exactly you need to feel (or not feel) about it. Take it to Him!
It's so hard sometimes to know what we should absorb and what we should allow to roll off. I'm totally with you. I feel too much too. I personally have to learn to accept what I have no business trying to change ;-)
Are you selling those shirts? I'll take one if you are!!!
"Often I have said to people, 'I will pray for you,' but how often did I really enter into the full reality of what that means? When I really bring my friends and the many I pray for into my innermost being and feel their pains, their struggles, their cries in my own soul, then I leave myself, so to speak, and become them, then I have compassion." (Henri Nouwen)
I definitely love that shirt! I think you may have found your new outlet. In terms of feeling too much, it makes you who you are! You are such a wonderful and caring person and that is why so many people are inspired by you.
hmmm..I'm with Tisha. Wine and prayer ;-)
I'm also with Cassie - you can pray deeper because of the 'feeling'
I know it's true for me anyway.
I'm with YOU this week though in general. Not knowing what to do or where to go with all the 'feeling'.
I think you've posted about this before. HOw it's so hard to FEEL. I LOVE your clean water shirt - totally adorable. You probably totally could sell those too. The picture of you and Rebekah is one of my FAVES of the two of you - soooo precious. She looks SO excited that you were there. Good for you!
I like your clean water shirt!!!
robyn beckley vining
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