Thursday, April 3, 2008

hanging on by a thread

seriously. i'm so about to lose it. i keep thinking, "if ONE more thing happens, i'm going to lose it." but then one more thing happens and i keep holding it together. i know i can't continue this way. rebekah laid on the couch all evening and didn't want dinner. we'll see what tonight holds. as i think i already said, she's the worst sick kid. i'm not feeling great either. but i think it's mostly from cleaning it up all day.

i'm sick of us being sick.

i'm sick of pat's work being stressful and keeping him (and me) up at night and keeping him at work way too late.

i'm sick of being pregnant (sorry, i am). i feel fat and gross and i want my body back.

i'm sick of running feeling so hard. i want to love it again.

i'm sick of seeing all the projects around me that need to be done and truly WANTING to do them - i love projects - but physically not being able to make myself do it.

i'm sick of sweeping the floor.

i'm sick of cold weather. (although i am excited about the rain tonight - one of my favorite things is to fall asleep listening to the rain - now if my kids would just stay in their beds - CLEAN beds - and let me sleep!)

and now, aren't you all sick of me complaining?? sorry. i had to get it out. this was a much better way than at one of my kids or at pat once he gets home.

i'll try to be more uplifting tomorrow.

3 comments:

Cassie said...

ugh.
sorry courtney. i remember that feeling. it lasted like 9 months for me though! but i am better! (ha, 5 months after the birth!!:)
thinking of you tonight. may you get a full night's sleep tonight...

Julie said...

Courtney... always be yourself... not matter what you are thinking while you are blogging, because your faithful readers love you just the way you are. We also feel so sorry for you!!!!! hugs and love you

Katy said...

That's what we're here for - we've definitely been there. We had rain most all of the weekend, so hopefully at least you slept well in the midst of all of this. This has definitely been a difficult season of life for you...with pregnancy, sickness, Pat's job stress....just keep praying you through. VERY anxious to talk with you this week and give you some love on the phone from here!!! :) I love you!!

And by the way - I HATE sweeping the floor too - i think because I feel like it's all I do all day long!