so, we walk rebekah up to school this morning, i give her a hug and tell her to have a good day at the door where we drop her off and all of a sudden she bursts into tears and says, "i don't want to go to school without you!" i know this is "normal" for some kids...but this came TOTALLY out of the blue for me. i'm standing there, at the door where hundreds of kids and parents are walking by, making a total scene. then i'm struggling with what to say...trying to balance "i love you" with "you need to go to school". it was SO hard. my heart is very heavy for her at the moment.
really, i've been "sad" for a few days. and i think a lot of it is that i'm entering a new stage here in parenting - i'm on the edge of a new stage. up til now parenting has been very hard PHYSICALLY...but now it's getting MENTAL. my brain feels like it's going to explode from thinking about what's going on in each of their hearts each day. and they are each so very different. and respond differently to things. and i know it's just the beginning of this. but, i'm thankful that i have Him to cling to, to talk to, to get guidance from. and i'm thankful for days like yesterday - at the end of it i felt like i had connected to each kid in a little way - and that's a huge accomplishment for me - makes my day feel VERY fulfilling. this job called parenting is very challenging, very exhausting, but very rewarding and i wouldn't trade it for anything. i'm blessed beyond measure and i'm just going to keep keeping on as hard as i can in His strength.
sorry, this ended up being longer than i intended...
2 comments:
My heart is heavy for you. I know what you mean about feeling like you're entering a new stage with the kids. It's a new phase where you aren't the only influence in the lives anymore - there are so many other demands on them, other people, etc. It's so hard for me as a mom to think of loosening my grasp on them, but I know that's what we are raising them to be. 3 kids, 3 different spirits, 3 different places for sure. Praying that Rebekah has a GREAT day at peace and that God will grant you a special afternoon with her today (even in the midst of gymnastics and shepherd group!!) I love you!
oh i know how you feel...once they start school it is a whole different ball game...Lindsey had crying bouts just about every morning last spring. It was horrible. She did the same thing in pre-school and in Kindergarten...was fine through most of first grade until about May and everyday it was a tearful morning until the end of the school year of not wanting to leave me. Of course, I felt sick to my stomach every morning and had to send her off when I just wanted her to stay home with me. The emotional stuff is so much harder than the physical stuff...then worrying about Kyle and his issues is a whole other ball game I am struggling with right now. It is always something, but we always have hope and the arms of the Lord to fall into.
Post a Comment